I set out to start a leadership community after my experience leading through a difficult season. During that time I longed for a safe-space that could, in the words of author Kobe Campell “offer the tenderness the world and even those in our community refuse to give.” I knew that a community for black women would be received with mixed reviews. However, the support system I developed as a leader carried me through difficult times. Because of the encouragement of my support system, many lives were impacted by the work I led my team in doing. But I would eventually leave that role and organization because I simply saw no way forward for sustainable long term change that would not require me to work two times harder. My story was not unique. Cultivate Vibrance was born out of the need for black female leaders to have these tender spaces to restore their mind, body and soul and access contextualized upskilling for the experience faced in the workplace.
I was tired and knew I was weeks away from a break that probably wasn’t going to feel rejuvenating.
The Dream Forum came at the right time when my soul needed refreshment. I began to feel myself hit the wall. I was tired and knew I was weeks away from a break that probably wasn’t going to feel rejuvenating. Each session met me where I was at. Feeling dry and disconnected from God, the first session reminded me of how God’s desire is to speak to me. When raising money for the organization stopped feeling like sharing a dream but brought out a sense of performance, comparison and unworthiness; God met me through the session on Brokenness. When I got Covid and had a biking collision accident within 2 weeks and vulnerably reached out to friends to help me; the session on Cultivating Community mirrored my personal and professional need to lean into a support system. At each step my group would encourage and remind me of the importance of Cultivate Vibrance. It was as if they were calling back to the dream before all the realities of pursuing it began to set in.
The paradox of this season has been the isolating factors of leadership. I have wrestled with living out the vision of Cultivate Vibrance in my life, struggling to be present with how this calling can feel lonely and yet deeply rich. In my processing I’m met with beautifully conflicting thoughts about Jesus’ life and leadership.
Somehow Jesus experienced a lonely journey with incredibly rich relationships.
Somehow Jesus was misunderstood and yet deeply known.
Somehow Jesus experienced isolation from one community and acceptance in a new one.
I draw from His experience:
What causes relational endings can also cause new or old ones to flourish.
Pain causes deep empathy.
As much as I value an ideal leadership community, I know people alone will not take away the difficult refining experiences that come with life and leadership, but they can help you to bear it. These rich relationships allow us to feel deeply known and cultivate a heart of empathy. The Dream Forum has been a doula for my dream caring for my soul as I seek to do that for others.
Charlotte Crabbe is one of twelve Dream Pod Members in Goldenwood’s 2023 Dream Forum. This reflection is part of Goldenwood’s #InsidetheDreamPod series.
About Charlotte’s dream, Cultivate Vibrance: After a long and difficult season of leadership, I began to ask what was next for me. I dreamed of a faith-centered community that holistically invested in the lives of black women who lead. I envisioned a community of black female leaders where they are affirmed, they reclaim the true narrative of who they are, hold space for their soul care, are encouraged and celebrated especially because many are the “only” in their areas of leadership and influence.
Listen to this conversation with Charlotte as part of the 2023 Dream Forum on Nov 2, 2023.