Laura Gauthier is a freelance textile designer and one of eight Dream Pod Members in Goldenwood’s 2020-21 Dream Forum. Find out more about Laura’s dream following her recent reflections below:
Bringing a dream to fruition has taught me a lot about both myself and the concept of dreams. Being presented with the idea of receiving a dream vs. achieving one was the beginning of my journey. There’s this thing I occasionally do; it means so much to me and to those I do it for. I make bespoke dolls for children who often don’t see themselves reflected in everyday spaces with positive intention. I work with their families to craft something specifically for them, incorporating aspects of the child and of their family. Honestly, I did not see this as a dream at first. It was something I told very few people about. It had never occurred to me to approach this dream “out loud”. However I couldn’t hide it forever and as the cliche goes, it felt “bigger than me”. It was something I felt called to do and the results were always bigger than I could imagine. So, what is the difference between achieving this dream and receiving it?
Something that became immediately clear to me was the impact of the voices I heard and which ones I chose to listen to, some internal and some external. The fact that my dream involves physically making something gave me an advantage. I could receive real feedback and judge for myself if I had achieved what I’d intended to. In achievement mode this came with some risk. The highs were high (rewards) and the lows… well that was a big struggle. I wanted perfection. I worried that the gift would not be well received and it was overwhelming.
My intention toward and love for this doll was a reflection of my belief in the intention and love involved in creating all of us.
In receiving mode (which thankfully would rescue me from achieving mode) I could go back to remembering the source and origin of the dream. It wasn’t about me! It was about this child and this family. My intention toward and love for this doll was a reflection of my belief in the intention and love involved in creating all of us. I’d go back to recalling the meditations and love I heard from the person ordering the doll as they reflected upon the child, the intended recipient of the doll, and it brought me to a place of joy.
Seeing the finished product and knowing the love and care that went into the process is a beautiful thing. Receiving pictures and videos of the kids with their dolls is a bonus! The end product is not just the doll. It’s the conversation with the one who commissioned the doll, the meditations and prayers in the making process, getting to the end, giving it away. I definitely feel like I’m part of something bigger.
I cannot escape the parallels. I am a maker who is made by a maker.
In thinking of receiving a dream, of divinely receiving a dream, I cannot escape the parallels. I am a maker who is made by a maker. The intentionality of it all really resonates for me. Even when making multiple dolls, all with the same favorite color, hair color, similar features, they come out so different because each child is so different and the make up of each one is so precious. It can be hard to look at the world and see beauty. However I am looking deeper and finding ways to translate the beauty that I find.
In this process, I’d say one of the most valuable gems I have found is my community – the one I came to realize I had and the one that has grown around me. Being encouraged by my family and friends, the correspondences that have evolved with each doll order – these were things I could not really imagine before. I am growing in my listening – learning that stillness and silence are not bad things. Seeing the development of a tiny idea that lived in my heart and showed itself shyly here and there now blossoming into a dream I can dare to embrace is a wonderful thing. I have more visions for where I see this going but I know now I am receiving these dreams. I have no desire to crush them under the weight of achievement. Of course I take pride in my work and I always want to walk away knowing I did my best. My focus, though, is on the one; the recipient of the gift. I pour into each doll my love and intention along with the love of their family and I release it. Writing this I am aware that just like that child, I am also a recipient – of a dream. My gift.
About Laura’s Dream: My Dream is of a world where BIPOC children grow up with confidence and love for themselves as well as for others. A world where they are equal in not just words but actions. I make custom dolls for children in the hope that they come to associate things like their hair, skin and face as beautiful in a world that often says they are not. I have seen the excitement of children receiving these dolls and also the interactions between children of different backgrounds. Seeing them love themselves but also appreciate each other’s features gives me hope for a richer society. Contact me at: laura@lauragauthierdesign.com