Sometimes receiving a dream from God is like being told you’re to have a miraculous conception. When it’s the kind of dream that is so lofty it scares you a little and the idea that you are ‘favoured’ to carry it ‘greatly troubles’ you and the main question forming in your head and onto your lips is, ‘How will this be?” But the dream is so vivid and compelling it’s as if it already exists and you’re so in awe of its origin that you find yourself saying, “Behold, I am the servant of the Lord; let it be to me according to Your word”…or something to that effect. So that was me. And I have the second Trellis listening journey of the Dream Forum course to thank for this particular analogy.
I think back to the start of this programme. It’s June 7th 2024. I’ve made my way to the Erdman Center in Princeton, New Jersey, found my dorm room, opened my little suitcase, tweaked the blinds and sat down on my bed with a sigh of pleasant disbelief. How am I here? How has this happened? I’m ‘across the pond’ about to embark on a course of a non profit I didn’t know anything about a month before. There’s a whole amazing story there but the moment my eyes were drawn to ‘Dream Forum’ at the top of the Goldenwood home page, it was like I knew immediately before I watched any video or read any description, that this was for me. Back to Princeton. I’ve gone for a gander down idyllic Nassau street, with an hour or so to spare before I meet a whole bunch of strangers. The sun is shining. This is important. Picturesque places at least put me at ease. I’ve listened to the last chapter of “Hearing God” by Dallas Willard, our first bit of homework. I don’t love it as a book (oop) but theologically I am also put at ease about this course. I’m full of anticipation and amazement at just how smoothly things have moved up until this point. Obedience had brought me here and this community couldn’t have come at a better time.
I quietly enjoyed people’s utter surprise at how I found the course and that I chose to do it without knowing anything about Goldenwood or David and Amilee. It felt like further confirmation that God had orchestrated my steps and I was right where I was meant to be! We sat out in the afternoon sun and introduced ourselves and I experienced an immediate joy of association with this incredible cohort of dreamers. I felt so excited and honoured to be part of a group that shared a ‘holy discontent’ and visions of restoration.
Then we had our first listening prayer session. I remember it well because not long into it, it was like a nightmare reel of the past year played out across the backs of my closed eyelids.The reality was, I had been given my dream amidst dealing with complex PTSD, depression and anxiety…or not dealing with it, I should say. A gentle word came from each of the Godhead in turn, to ‘clear the decks’ and deal with the trauma as a crucial part of pursuing my dream. I pushed it aside though, focusing instead on the peace and clarity I felt about the dream itself, letting that provide a temporary tonic.
My heart felt so alive thinking about partnering with God on something so special! I held on to my dream for dear joy, letting it buoy me up. I shared with the group how confident and assured I felt that things would continue to come together as smoothly as they’d begun. I headed back to the UK with a spring in my step and for a couple of weeks I was like a pregnant woman glowing with more ideas and details of my dream. I stayed wide awake for the monthly Dream Pod meetings at 12am UK Time and was on it with the 1 to 1s with my companion. All was well. Then the ‘contractions’ began. Things in my day to day life intensified, making it hard to carve out the 20 minutes a day to listen and read the scriptures for the first Trellis 2-week journey. I felt like such a failure for struggling to slow down around the demands of my life. My financial situation worsened. My confidence wained. My frustration increased. I started to feel lost and alone, far from the rest of the team in the US and doubting the dream I had been given. The question came loudly, “How will this be?” Then the trauma that I’d been trying to push down finally came up with a vengeance. There was no more evading how damaged and ill-equipped I felt to carry this dream.
At the launch of the Dream Forum course, David had talked about how hope and trauma are closely connected. I had thought that was just about the place a dream could be birthed from, not a state it might have to grow in. In our last pod meeting, one dreamer shared an analogy about a heart monitor – you have to have the highs and lows to know you’re alive! This really hit home. I needed to be brave in order to “clear the decks” and accept the lows as part of the process.
Some highs that I want to acknowledge though – Dream Forum assigned me with a companion that consistently encouraged and spurred me on, both in my dream and the deep healing I needed to go through; brought valuable accountability and external perspectives, that at times saw what I couldn’t see of what God was doing; introduced rhythms and structures in my life to help me hear from God more frequently and discern where God was at work; connected me with people who could help to practically progress my dream; nourished me with a regular diet of prophetic words and pictures; presented opportunities to intercede for and encourage others in their dream, and be blessed by their success and breakthrough; and placed me in a quad, affectionately called ‘The Dream Team’ – a beautifully varied group of people of different ages, backgrounds and denominations, whose meetings are always characterised by God’s kindness, and my goodness do we root for each other! The course also taught me to how to engage AI with my dream! That session was like an epidural shot to the spine, giving me a much needed boost of affirmation and strategy, enabling me to push on.
In conclusion, finding and being enrolled on to this course was a divine thing. It was by no means easy or always smooth but it was an invaluable experience to do this with Goldenwood. I have learnt that a dream can be imparted so quickly and to glimpse even a small bit of heaven feels euphoric! It’s ok to embrace that wholeheartedly and it’s ok to then feel far from it. I’ve learnt that the intensity of a dream in your mind is not the evidence of its immediacy. It was 30 years after the annunciation and Mary’s miraculous conception, that Jesus started his ministry! In that time there were all manner of lows – fleeing infanticide, becoming refugees, Jesus going missing and Joseph dying, before the ultimate high of Jesus fulfilling all righteousness. By God’s grace, I am exactly where God would have me and have been called to carry this dream to full term, however long it takes. “I am the servant of the Lord; let it be to me according to Your word”.
Keziah Ruth is one of twelve Dreamers in Goldenwood’s 2024 Dream Forum. This reflection is part of Goldenwood’s #InsidetheDreamPod series. Hear more from Keziah at the Dream Forum on November 7th.
About Keziah’s Dream: DAMES – A singles ministry for women often overlooked: My dream is of a singles ministry that specifically caters to the demographic of women who are statistically more likely to marry later in life, not marry at all or who deal with higher rates of marital instability – Black and Global Majority women. A singles ministry that makes sure to include divorcees, single parents and women living with disability or chronic illness and holds a yearly conference as a cornerstone of the ministry – a ‘royal’ affair that honours, celebrates and empowers its members, unlocking joy, purpose and value in their singleness.