At the beginning of 2023, I finally decided to do what others had been encouraging me to do for years: Start my own thing. I registered a web domain, applied for an L3C with the Illinois Secretary of State, and began telling family and friends about my plans to start a mediation and restorative justice practice to address sexual harm. And, suddenly, after five years of thinking, planning, learning, and–to be honest–delaying, my business idea suddenly became a freight train I could not slow down.
Somewhere along the way, I lost sight of why I wanted to take on this venture in the first place.
Once I started setting up Shared Roots Mediation, somewhere along the way I lost sight of why I wanted to take on this venture in the first place. Any calling or guidance from God was drowned out by to-do lists, bureaucratic red tape, and Zoom meetings. Anxiety, imposter syndrome, and the dread of failure began creeping up. Who has time to seek discernment when there are bank accounts to open, business licenses to obtain, and completely unlikely catastrophic scenarios to invent?
I applied for and joined the Dream Forum to help me tap the brakes on that freight train fueled by uncertainty. And this journey has helped me do exactly that. While nothing has completely stopped, I now have the tools and time to slow down, take a deep breath, and re-center myself and my dream on what God is calling me to do.
The number one lesson I have learned is that, while the uncertainty does not ever go away, I have everything I need to face it. The Dream Forum journey has taught me how to sit and listen for God’s guidance, how to discern next steps, and how to know when to slow down or push forward. While I still find it challenging to make myself stop some days, the set times of listening and discerning with other Dreamers are helping me develop the habit of slowing down.
The Dream Forum has also instilled in me the understanding that no dream can come to fruition on an island of one. I am still struggling with explaining my work, given its niche nature, and this struggle often makes me feel alone in this dream. In August, however, we went through the exercise of identifying our supporters and our community; this work helped me see that the people coming around me and this dream do not need to look exactly like me or even understand every step I want to take. Rather it is in the diversity and variety that my community and support comes together.
Now I see that I have family and friends in Chicago who truly want to support me and see me succeed. I also have a group of Dreamers across the country and world who believe in me as well. In fact, at the beginning of October, I had the opportunity to meet with two other Dreamers in person to share resources and encouragement. Without Goldenwood, I likely never would have met them and built such meaningful relationships and community.
I know the Dream Forum is just one station along this railway line and that there are many more stops ahead. But what I appreciate most is that this stop has helped me slow down and enjoy the progress, while giving me hope, community, and confidence– rather than uncertainty–as fuel for the rest of my journey.
Christine Evans is one of twelve Dream Pod Members in Goldenwood’s 2023 Dream Forum. This reflection is part of Goldenwood’s #InsidetheDreamPod series.
About Christine’s dream, Shared Roots Mediation: I dream of providing a safe and welcoming space for survivors of sexual harm to seek healing, accountability, and support outside of the legal system. In this space, their voices and stories are important and prioritized. Starting as a conflict resolution practice rooted in the principles of restorative and transformative justice, this space would center survivors, allowing them to determine what they need individually to heal and grow, while also lifting up the humanity and dignity of all persons involved in the harm. Once this practice has been established, I dream of bringing on partners and expanding the work to include education and training, community circles, mindfulness, as well as other modalities of growth and healing for all persons and communities impacted by sexual harm.
Hear more from Christine at the Dream Forum on November 9th.