A Flicker of Light

Eva Ting is the Director of Events and Programming at W83 Ministry Center and one of eight Dream Pod Members in Goldenwood’s 2020-21 Dream Forum. Read reflections from other Dreamers in our #InsidetheDreamPod series. Find out more about Eva’s dream, Here to Honor, following her recent reflections below:

To receive and pursue a dream during a global pandemic can feel strange. In the midst of so much suffering and loss, it almost feels indulgent. On the other hand, there seems to be no better time to receive a dream than during times of crisis. It is in the darkness that even a flicker of light ignites hope and compels us to reimagine the world that can be.

I have learned a lot about what it means to receive a dream from God this past year. Receiving is not a one-time action; the act of receiving a dream from God involves learning what it means to steward, cultivate, and continue listening in this process of understanding and unfolding this gift. And I think that is really what receiving a dream entails: it is a gift, often undeserved and unexpected, one for which I may feel completely inadequate yet for which I have been deemed worthy by the Giver.

Who do you think you are to do this? You don’t have what it takes.

“Who do I think I am?” | The difference between receiving a dream and achieving a dream I think lies in how much the burden of success is placed on myself and my capabilities. When I think about achieving a dream, I think about working hard, overcoming odds, proving myself, and striving to succeed. Its success or failure feels closely tied to my sense of worth and identity. It’s hard not letting the voices of doubt and imposter syndrome creep in: “Who do you think you are to do this? You don’t have what it takes.” I have really had to fight these voices with my dream of reimagining end of life care and death care support. Hardly an expert, I feel like I don’t have the professional experience, knowledge, and prestige in this field of work to succeed.

When God gives us a dream, the requirements are not conditional upon our capabilities. When we look at the individuals in the Bible that God calls and bestows dreams to, more often than not it is their failings and their flaws that qualify them and not their achievements. In these last few months, I found myself identifying particularly with Gideon in the book of Judges. God calls him to lead and addresses him as “mighty warrior” – this is the guy who’s hiding in a winepress to thresh wheat, not wanting to be found by the Midianites who were ruling over Israel at the time. His response to God – “Who, me??” – is a response I’m all too familiar with in my conversations with God. Yet God calls him to lead Israel to defeat Midian: “Go in the strength that is yours.” God calls us as he sees us, not as we see ourselves, and the success of the dream he bestows lies not in who we are but who he is and how he is calling us to trust him.

The unfolding of God’s plan asks for faith manifested in moment-to-moment trust.

“Who do I think God is?” | So who do I think God is and how do I expect him to work? I often expect God to work the way I do: 10-point plan, lots of strategizing, carefully laid out to-do lists, and appointments carved out on my Google calendar. Surprise, surprise – this is not how God works. It’s not to say he doesn’t have a plan, but the unfolding of his plan asks for faith manifested in moment-to-moment trust. It’s easy for me to interpret that as God tossing me breadcrumbs and I’m scrambling to collect what I can. But when I understand that scarcity does not exist with God, especially when it comes to the gift of dreams, but that he always operates out of abundance and generosity, then I am able to recognize what he gives not as breadcrumbs but as manna – exactly what I need for each juncture. God always gives enough; he knows what I need and gives just the right amount for me to keep going and to trust. In this past year of pursuing this dream that God has given me, it’s been a real exercise whenever I’m feeling overwhelmed or anxious or doubt-ridden to see how he always gives just enough for me to be encouraged or affirmed in the way that’s needed, to receive what is sufficient to keep going. It’s always enough.

God does not intend for us to cultivate dreams alone.

“Who is the dream for?” | The beauty of the dreams that God gives is it’s never about me; the dream is always bigger than me. The dreams we receive from him are for renewal and transformation, a re-imagination of the world that encompasses so much more than my life and my personal sphere. It makes sense that the dreams he gives involve community – God does not intend for us to cultivate dreams alone. The dream I have of strengthening guidance, comfort, and community support in end of life and death care is so much bigger than me. I am grateful for the circles of community God has threaded together throughout this past year as I’ve shared this dream: from enthusiastic friends and family to like-minded supporters to thoughtful advocates working in this field. It is amazing to witness how God is expanding this dream through all the different people he’s brought around me; the dream is alive and organic, being nourished by their ideas and insights as it grows. Part of the revelation I’ve experienced about my dream is the realization that dreams are also answers to the prayers of others; through the cries of people longing for answers and a way out, God answers through the faithful obedience of individuals called by him. We are part of answering prayers – that is mind-blowing and incredibly humbling.

I am learning that receiving a dream is a gift that goes far beyond the act itself. It is a continuous process that involves listening, learning, and constantly de-centering myself. The gift of the dream is not just in me receiving it from God but in the revelation of this dream; in its unfolding, the dream is for everyone and points to a new world of possibilities.

About Eva’s Dream: My dream is about reimagining what support and connection looks like for death care, specifically in funeral planning. I want to re-envision how technology can be used to provide resources and tools to facilitate this process and make it as efficient and easy as possible for the person who finds themselves planning a funeral for a loved one. I believe that art and beauty can play a role in this process, bringing hope and respite to an emotionally complicated and challenging time. I dream of creating a suite of tools and resources to alleviate the stress of juggling logistics, and that can allow the griever to have space for grieving and focus on remembering and honoring the life of their loved one well. Contact me at: hello@heretohonor.com