As I reflect on the past 5 months, my heart is so full of gratitude. When I started this journey with The Dream Forum, I really had no idea what I was getting myself into. The description of the program led me to believe that The Dream Forum was some kind of Christian business incubator where I would receive business coaching, tools to build a business plan and the possibility of winning a $20k grant. Three different people I had met at a two day Transformational Leadership workshop last October suggested that I apply for the program. And so I did. I remember thinking when I applied that the application process alone was worth my time because it forced me to hone my thoughts around my dream. The beauty of surrendering to God’s will and His timing is that along the journey of pursuing the dream, He has brought me through the experiences I needed to prepare me for this particular opportunity.
As Christians, we don’t believe in luck. However, I do believe in preparation, hard work, surrendering my plans and trusting in God’s timing and provision while allowing room for surprises. Recently I was reminded of a time in my early twenties when the dean of a school that I wanted to apply to asked me where I saw myself at 45 years old. I thought it was such an odd question. 45 seemed like such a far away time. But my eager, idealistic self answered in a way that revealed my heart’s true desires that haven’t changed much after 2 decades. I saw myself married with children changing the world for the better. I wanted to see the end of child sex trafficking and I wanted to be a voice for the voiceless. Therefore, my plan was to get a degree in Human Rights. Prior to meeting this dean I had co-founded a non-profit in 2002 called Love146, but felt ill-equipped and unprepared to do the work required to take the organization further. Only God knew then that I had so much more to learn and grow and experience. Only God knows how a life is much more than the accomplishments that degrees can show. Only God can change a stubborn heart that needed humbling. Only God knew that that was just one chapter of many chapters that were yet to be written and lived. And now, here I am in my mid forties and I couldn’t have foreseen all the twists and turns my life would take. All the people I needed to meet and all the places I needed to experience. All the struggles, the successes, the challenges, the mountaintop moments and the seasons of being in the dark valleys. And here I am. I still have the dream to change the world for the better. To facilitate renewal and healing. But from a different angle. The dream of cultivating a place where people can find rest, inspiration, healing, encouragement. A piece of land that can only be found, bought and cultivated if the Lord wills and only if this calling that I feel is truly from Him. One of the biggest take-aways from the past 6 months has been that this dream is received. Not achieved. I still need to remind myself every day even while I take the steps towards the dream, that there is no achieving necessary.
There is a process in farming and gardening called “hardening off”. It’s when plants are grown from seed indoors, and are frequently grown in a controlled environment. The temperature is maintained. The light is not as strong as full sunlight outside. And there aren’t any disturbances such as wind and rain. Since seedlings that have been grown indoors have never been exposed to the harsher environment of the outdoors, they don’t have the resilience or the defenses built up to help them deal with the elements. Hardening off is necessary to make the seedlings grow better and stronger as you introduce them to the outdoors little by little for a few hours at first, then half a day, then a full day, eventually overnight and then transplanted to the field. Much like little seedlings, I feel as though the years between college and now, God was putting me through a process of “hardening off” where I needed to learn how to deal with many challenges that I would never have had to face if I stayed in a safe, easy environment. Many times along the way and even in the past 6 months I’ve pleaded with God that I didn’t want to learn any more life lessons. I just wanted to cruise. But the Lord had other plans and I’ve had to keep on keeping on, trusting that in His time, by His grace, I will be able to harvest all that I’ve sowed. (See what I did there? hehe.)
As the Dream Forum comes to an end, I am so grateful for all the guided prayer times, the retreats, the connections to the other dreamers and the opportunity to share my dream with all of you. As I keep taking steps towards the dream, I’m excited to have all of you as witnesses and prayer partners along the journey.
Caroline Hahm is one of eight Dream Pod Members in Goldenwood’s 2022 Dream Forum. This reflection is part of Goldenwood’s #InsidetheDreamPod series.
About Caroline’s dream: My dream is to co-own 10 acres of land on Long Island that is committed to excellence in service, people, product, community, wellness and land management. To be a world-class producer of local and regional food excellence, land conservation, education of food systems and a place for people to find rest and inspiration. A place that will create job opportunities in the areas of farming, gardening, landscaping, cooking, teaching, hospitality, retail and wellness. On this land would be: a professional kitchen, a retail shop/general store and cafe, a space for teaching workshops and creative gatherings, gardens for both beauty (form) and food (function), a space for all kinds of workshops, and allocated areas for temporary and long-term stays.