Troy Woolley is an entrepreneur and one of eight Dream Pod Members in Goldenwood’s 2020-21 Dream Forum. Read other Dreamer entries from our #InsidetheDreamPod series here. Find out more about Troy’s dream following his recent reflections below:
God’s creative power is born in all of us. Just as God spoke the heavens and earth into existence, so too can we create, for we are created in His image. But it isn’t so easy for us. Our sinful nature and a fallen world represent myriad impediments to bringing a dream to life. Receiving a dream, or accepting a call to create, is fraught with pain on this side of heaven. As much as I knew that going into this process, I suffered, nonetheless.
I began this journey with a sense of overwhelm. I could feel God’s presence. I knew my thoughts and visions were not my own. I cried once, “Lord, not me,” for it all felt too great for my limited self. In encountering the living God, I trembled. It was if a light shone all around me. Joyful fear and excitement filled the space around me. God was calling me to new work just as my old work came to an end. I had confidence in the vision God was giving me. I was on fire for the Lord with renewed faithfulness and Spiritual connection.
Who was I to think of something so other-worldly? Who was I to partner with the Holy Spirit in his redemptive work? The failings of my past came roaring back.
And then the light went out. The darkness of hardships in life and work took hold. The exuberance I showed early on became a source of shame. Who was I to think of something so other-worldly? Who was I to partner with the Holy Spirit in his redemptive work? The failings of my past came roaring back. Depression set it. The depression worsened. I felt hopeless at times. My excitement was replaced with dread, and even anger, over the realities of my life.
I wish this next paragraph started with “but.” It doesn’t.
If I’m honest, I’m still there, in that darkness. I’ve had to accept that this dream may have been given to me only for me to release it altogether. It is not mine to hold on to. It never was. And that, for me, is a new learning. As an entrepreneur – a creator of a certain ilk- I am accustomed to my work being driven by vision or hope for the future. But this time was different. There was no success to be had. No role I could create for myself in a vision for a redeemed future. Instead, I was given a deeper realization of how small I am in God’s redemptive plans, and yet how big is His love for me. Despite my emotional state, I can recognize even now that He has moved in mighty ways in the midst of this period of darkness. Not by turning on the light again for me to see, but in small ways through the generosity and care of others. Through his Word and encouragements. Through just-in-time provisions for me and my family. I will not claim that the weight of my burdens have been lifted, but I can say I am more keenly aware of my dependence on him to keep that weight from overcoming what little strength I carry on my own. For that, I am grateful.
About Troy’s Dream: My dream is to create a system of support for entrepreneurs of all faiths as we face the pressures of creating something from nothing. As founders, we live in our own version of the “already and not yet” as we build a future vision. We often oscillate between that future vision and the present (often difficult) reality, and find ourselves in an extreme dichotomy of both hope and despair. The impacts can be devastating. Depression and suicide are rampant amongst founders, and I’ve been there myself. I’d love to create safe place for entrepreneurs to be vulnerable… not just to share their vision but to also address their pain. Contact me at: troy@tsioncollective.com